Be Careful What You Wish For… by Martyn Taylor

Some people say ‘be careful what you wish for’, and in my experience, those people are sometimes right.

Now, I’m not thinking about the big things in life that you have no control over, or even the events that you always wish would come true, but are unlikely to occur. For example winning the lottery. If you are fortunate enough to score the jackpot and win an unimaginable amount of money and fuck it up, you deserve all the shit that comes with it (Michael Carrol springs to mind.)

The sort of things that I’m thinking about here, are the daily or weekly decisions and wishes that we make all the time that effect our lives in ways that you do not even realise.

To start off with, a dream of many a young man is that his beloved football team could be promoted to the Mecca that is, the Premier League. The problem here is that, as many teams in the past have proven, promotion can bring many pitfalls! I’m not just talking about the ‘small fish, big pond’ syndrome here that can bring the predicted poorer results. There are other downside as well. Other ‘fans’ jumping on the band wagon, egotistical players signing on for over inflated contracts, the over spending and eventual slip into administration, which results in the dreaded relegation. So is promotion worth it in the long run? I just have to say, be careful what you wish for!

A personal wish of mine that actually came true (to my joy :-D) and eventually caused problems for me, is the re-union of your favourite fractured band. I know what you’re thinking, the reforming of Steps was truly a great day (trying not to sound sarcastic ;-)) I’m actually thinking of the highly anticipated revival of the ‘baggy’ ambassadors themselves ‘The Stone Roses’. We all used to listen to their acclaimed album that set the standards back in the day, and hope that one day they could get over their problems and treat us fans to an intimate one off gig. Be careful what you wish for! what we got was the Heaton Park gigs which were a phenomenal success, but were an obvious money spinner for all concerned. While on the subject of music, How many times have a band released a classic debut album (just like The Stone Roses) which leaves us fans chomping at the bit for their second release? after much hype and anticipation their second album arrives at the shops you rush out to buy it, get home, play it, and it leaves a sour taste of disappointment in your mouth. So, be careful what you wish for! (By the way, I actually like The Second Coming)

While on the subject of disappointing sequels, you watch a film at home, it blows your mind and leaves you wanting more? A year or so later, a sequel is shot and rushed onto our cinema screens. It tempts you out to the pictures, you spend your hard earned cash on over priced popcorn and watered down Pepsi, you take your seats and endure two hours of disappointment. Be careful what you wish for!

Your career is an area where your hopes and dreams are regularly tested. You could have a simple job with a low pay, low responsibility and low expectations that keeps you happy, but poor. Then an opportunity arrives on your doorstep. A promotion or a better job at the company of your dreams, what do you do? Push your self, or settle for your easier, problem free position. As anybody does, you go for it, you become the supervisor or team leader. Then the problems roll home. Your work mates become colleagues, you get stressed and over worked. You take your problems home, take it out on the dog and upset your wife. You sit there and think ‘be careful what you wish for!’

A relationship between a man and wife can be a minefield if he choose his words incorrectly. His loving wife cooks him a lovely dinner of steak and eggs and he compliments her on how nice it was. She then proceeds to prepare it for him every Tuesday and Friday without fail, until he is sick of the sight of it. Does he risk upsetting a hormonally challenged woman by telling her that you can have to much of a good thing, or does he go along enjoying the meal? Be careful what you wish for!

A man and wife’s sex life can be difficult to discuss. They are happily married having sex twice weekly (and on special occasions, but its the same sex every time. Some gentle kissing, followed by a quick grope in the dark, one position change, then finish. She sits on the toilet while he cleans his knob! He wants to spice things up, so he tells her. She tells him to go to work as normal the following day, come home, go straight upstairs, get showered then go to the bedroom.

So he does. He goes to work, excited all day about the impending carnal activities planned, rushes home, skips upstairs, hops in the shower and shimmies across the landing in his best robe. He knocks on the door, His wife suggests that he puts on the blind fold thats tied to the door handle, so he does. He enters and carefully makes his way to the bed. She tells him to remove his robe and pass her the bottle of lube that’s on the bedside table. He does so excitedly, he hears the squelch of the lube bottle and hastily whips off his blindfold. To his disgust, the wife is stood there with a 8″ strap on dildo preparing to mount him.

He should’ve kept quiet about the steak and eggs!!!

The moral of the story is, be careful what you wish for…… because you might just get it!!!

Martyn Martyn Taylor is a 31 year-old father of three and lives in Hull. His pastimes include watching 80s action films over and over again and and debating the all-time Premiership XI with Mr Miles. His knowledge of American sitcoms of the 90s stands second to none. He once walked into a men’s public lavatory absent-mindedly singing the theme tune from Two And A Half Men. You can find him on http://www.twitter.com/shirleysblower but he never tweets, so just follow him on here.

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2 thoughts on “Be Careful What You Wish For… by Martyn Taylor

  1. don’t sweat the little stuff!

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