This Mans Day…. By Mr Martyn Taylor

mart and vicky

5:40 AM – After an uncomfortable nights sleep in bed next to Vicky tossing, turning and snoring, the sadistic morning alarm goes off. I wake up in horror, she doesn’t react. I run over to my phone and hit the 10 minute snooze button. I jump back into bed and snuggle up to my wife in the hope of some early morning action. After 10 minutes of kissing her neck and stroking her back, the snooze alarm goes off. for the full 10 minutes she did not move an inch. I take the hint and get up turn off the alarm and slope off downstairs, in a mood!

6:30 AM – After a rushed coffee and bowl of cereal, I sit an the toilet to ‘relax’. I have my phone with me so I see what all the night owls have put on ‘Facebook’. Nothing good on there, so I finish up, get washed, dressed and take the dog out.

7:00 AM – Off I go to work. Half asleep I drive almost on auto-pilot to the factory. I hate this place. When I arrive some bastard has parked in my spot, so I abandon my car wherever I can.

7:30 AM – I clock-on and prepare for the day ahead. Vicky will be getting up around now, she can relax while the boys get themselves ready for school, they’re old enough now.

10:00 AM – The hooter goes off for tea break. I have 12 minutes to rush down a cold cup of tea, a pasty, a few grapes and an apple. After throwing them down my neck, the hooter goes off again signalling work time, I get back to it. I bet Vicky is enjoying hot brew and her daily appointment with ‘This Morning’. Lazy cow!

12:30 PM – Finally I have 30 minutes to myself, I can relax and enjoy my dinner. I sit with the same people every day out of habit. We talk about the same things every day, its boring now! but its comfortable. I reckon Vicky will be having a nice hot bowl of soup with another cuppa, I have stale sarnies…. great!

1:00 PM – 4 more hours at work for me then home to see my family at 5 o’clock. It will be the first time I’ve seen them all day and can’t wait, the boys are fun and Gracie is an angel.

4:45 PM – YES!!! That’s the home time hooter, I clock-off and head to my car to go home.

5:00 PM – I get home and go into the house the boys are playing and Gracie greets me at the door with a hug. Vicky tells me dinner is in the kitchen, so I go through. Great! its beans on toast again, I told her I liked it one time and now I get it all the time, I’m sick of the sight of it now.

6:00 PM – Oh no, she’s watching ‘ Home and Away’ and ‘Neighbours’. Can’t she watch this shit when its on during the day? I ain’t watching it, I’m off to do the pots.

7:00 PM – Vicky is off to work, I use the word ‘work’ loosely as I reckon all she does is gossip and drink tea for 4 hours. 4 hours! Is it worth going?

8:00 PM – I’ve bathed the kids and put them to bed. Gracie went to bed with no fuss for a change, the poor kid was beat. I can finally chill out and watch some football.

11:30 PM – Oh shit! I nodded off no later than 10 minutes into the football. The sound of Vicky’s’ keys in the door had woken me up. I sit up quickly so she doesn’t see me asleep and think I’m lazy, I can’t believe she’s moaning about me not drying the pots. Oh fuck this. I’m off to bed!

See the day from Vicky’s perspective here.

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